AI yard judge
Your yard asked to be judged.
Upload one photo for a funny AI report card covering curb appeal, lawn, landscaping, and legendary Dad Energy—with advice you can actually use.
Free preview. No subscription. Full report is a one-time $5.
Early read
Dad Energy: 94
Funny, not cruel
We roast the mulch choices—not the human who made them.
Useful underneath
Every paid report ends with three realistic yard upgrades.
Your photo stays yours
You choose if and where your result gets shared.
From grass to grade
One photo. Six scores. Plenty of smoke.
The whole experience is built to be fast: upload, laugh, learn, then drop the result in the group chat.
Show us the evidence
Upload a clear photo of your front or backyard. No forms, measurements, or pretending the brown patch is intentional.
Best results: daylight, wide framing, one yard per photo.
Meet your report card
Get an overall grade plus category scores for lawn, landscaping, curb appeal, maintenance, personality, and Dad Energy.
Share the challenge
Post the polished result and invite everyone else to beat your score.
A roast with a recovery plan
The complete report includes three specific suggestions that can improve your next score—not vague landscaping filler.
No subscription ambush
Peek for free. Unlock the whole roast for $5.
Quick peek
$0
Enough evidence to know whether the AI came ready.
- Overall yard score
- A preview observation
- Instant browser result
Full report card
$5
one yard, one-time payment
Before you expose the begonias
Fair questions
The neighborhood deserves answers
Is your yard iconic—or just aggressively green?
Upload a photo, get your score, and give the group chat something better to argue about.
Roast my yard free